I have so much on my mind. I am not sure where to start. When thoughts are a tangled ball of yarn how does one even begin to untangle them. How does one ball up the yarn into order where one doesn’t even know where an end of the string is. Is this metaphor unreliable because thoughts have no “ends” to their “string.” I have so much on my mind I do not even know the entirety of the content on my mind.
Where to start. I don’t know.
That point is my starting point.
I think the place to start is not necessarily as Maria would say with “ABCs” because even the alphabet is arbitrarily ordered. (Language is arbitrary and yet it is within the arbitrary meaning that all meaning is contained.) It’s not where one starts, but that one starts at all that has the value.
I think greatly and in depth about meaning, value, and ethics. I am obsessed with such concepts. I wish to find like minded people to spar my thoughts against to see what remains. I have a good ontological concept that has withstood my own scrutiny (and I am a viscous devils advocate when it comes to my own mind. I use to be my own bully but have not forged such logos into a champion.)
There was a time when I was content to simply have things sorted in my mind. That gave me the peace I needed to move forward. However, I am no longer content to have such thoughts remain in my mind. I wish to manifest them. This blog is a symptom of that.
Unfortunately, in my current social sphere, I do not have many people who have the ability or inclination to discuss ideas. The realization has been a shock to me as I literally sustain my soul on such topics. The fact that others do not see the value in such pursuits has perplexed and frustrated me. There are minds, of intelligence, that cannot abstract in such a manner. Who do not see the blatant archetypal patterns sewn into totality? Oh, those lovely fractaling patterns.
The realization has humbled me as well as liberated me. Though it has left me feeling alone. Though this, I know, is not the case. There are many minds who I enter through their writing or speeches that show me I am not unique in this matter: C.S. Lewis, Jordan B. Peterson, Lucy Maud Montgomery, whoever wrote Ecclesiastes, Terry Pratchett, Aristotle, Plato, and Lao Tsu. They have all gone down the same mental path, felt along the fractals, and been brave enough to share.
I love my literary friends, but I wish for some flesh and blood ones. Not those who necessarily agree, but wish to “move truth forward in conversation,” as Jordan Peterson would say. Or as Aristotle has said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought with out accepting it.” I believe this wholeheartedly.
For an American woman, I am not that tall. In fact, according to the a quick and totally reliable Google
search, I am exactly the national average of 163 cm (approx. 5 feet and 4 inches). However, this
compared to the same extraordinarily scholarly quick Google search, the average Japanese woman is
158cm (approx. 5 feet, 2 inches), which means that I am usually one of the tallest women in the room.
This has been my anecdotal experience and as I happen to also be Caucasian, standing out,
(pun intended) even more than I naturally do, is something I have tried to avoid. This has led to a
self-imposed rule I created in high school of “no heals.”
However, I really like heels. I like the way they make me feel when I walk. I like their empowering click.
I like the chic professional dose they add to my step and posture, and intern my mood.
Therefore, as this is the self-imposed “Year of Grace” I am superim…
Future, Potential They are both the same, nothing Actions make them real
I feed on ideas, specifically my souls does. I gain so much energy from endless scrolling through Pinterest gathering filling inspiration.
I find myself stuck in the ideas though. I want to take everything that my soul has been consuming and turn it into really, to click that I tried this button.
From experiences past, I know that once an idea is manifested through work, care, and creativity the virtue of pride (the healthy kind) descends and turns the ecstasy filled meal into wholesome soul nutrition. Peace is the resonating note that I push back from the table with.
It is the place in between the inspiration and the creation that I struggle. The process. I do not enjoy it and this zoomed out into a larger scale in my life because life’s journey is the destination.
As I am aware, I wish to change, but I do not know how. I am constantly sucked back into my default subconsciously, to become aware again and again to try and remedy this existential dilemma.
I am seeking advise. How do I …